


Blurred Lines

by misura



Category: Bannon & Clare Series - Lilith Saintcrow
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 05:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: 'Nothing more than a sensible way of dealing with physical necessities'.That was how one of Clare's teachers at Yton had described it.





	Blurred Lines

_'Nothing more than a sensible way of dealing with physical necessities'._ That was how one of Clare's teachers at Yton had described it.

As a boy, Clare remembered he had felt vaguely disgusted by the description, the instructions. Now, as an adult, he admired the man's self-control, to be able to instruct a class of young idiots on how to take care of themselves when their bodies got a bit ... overexcited.

_'Involve another person, and you will be inviting Feeling into your life.'_ Clare supposed that might be true enough - for some people. He would challenge anyone to discover any feelings beyond a certain contempt for those paying for such things, or pity for those selling their bodies to make a living for that matter.

Of course, for any instructor at Yton to tell his class to find themselves a prostitute when their body's needs got too urgent to ignore might have been a bit much. A bit too _honest_ , for all that Mentaths were supposed to value Truth.

Plus, of course, doing it by oneself was much more convenient. Cheaper, too, not that Clare had had cause to worry about his financials recently. For an assassin, Ludovico displayed a remarkable talent for sniffing out profitable cases, to say nothing of his talent to inspire clients to pay their bills with alacrity and promptness.

Clare made a mental note to once again thank Miss Bannon for introducing the man into his ... employment, Clare supposed the right term was, even if Ludovico had started to feel dangerously close to a friend. Clare imagined it came from the man sharing his rooms, with Mrs Ginn clucking her disapproval but showing no qualms whatsoever when it came to pocketing the additional rent money.

Clare wondered if she thought he and Ludovico were - but no, he told himself. Not with the sodomy laws being what they were: illogical, but no more so than many other laws. It was not for Clare to question, only to accept - as he did, he reassured himself.

Mentaths who placed Logic over Justice ended up criminals, and fugitives from the law soon after. Clare was no Vance. He preferred earning a steady income by working within the law, serving his country as best as he might. Knowing in the morning where he would sleep in the evening.

Knowing that when he closed the door to his bedroom, he need not worry about being interrupted. Clare breathed in, trying to clear his head, to focus on the problem at hand. Rather than wait for the urge to develop on its own, he preferred to keep to a schedule, to minimize the risk of some distraction at an inconvenient moment.

His body seemed to function well enough under the regimen. Clare knew that in time, he might forego the exercise, as these urges would lessen with the years, but the act was neither unpleasant nor time-consuming, so he had seen no reason to change his schedule.

Clearing his mind from all thoughts, he used one hand to stroke himself to hardness, ensuring his breathing remained steady. It would not do for Ludovico to walk in, after all, thinking Clare was in some sort of distress.

No, that would not do at all. Clare did not think the assassin would be disgusted, precisely. Perhaps not even surprised - at least not to such a degree that he would permit it to show.

They were both men. Clare did not possess anything Ludovico would not have seen before. In fact, Clare could very well imagine Ludovico doing as he was doing himself right now, on such occasions when a willing partner was unavailable.

Not being a Mentath, Ludovico might approach the matter with a bit less logic. Unlike Clare, Ludovico might turn the affair into a fantasy, closing his eyes to better picture someone there with him, rather than to allow a better focus on what needed doing.

Clare would not presume to know Ludovico's tastes, of course. Still, in Ludovico's place, he might picture himself, sitting opposite Ludovico. True, Ludovico's hands did not quite feel like Clare's own, but such details were easy enough to ignore in the moment.

Ludovico might smile a bit, grinning as he moved his hand just so, wringing a sound from Clare while Clare had been determined to keep quiet. That first victory would only encourage him, of course. Ludovico would consider it a challenge, to make Clare produce more sounds, louder ones. To perhaps even get him to moan, as if he were no Mentath at all, nothing more than an ordinary man overcome by physical pleasure.

Clare would have liked to refuse him the satisfaction. Things being what they were though, that might be easier said than done. Likely as not Clare's own satisfaction would become dependent on Ludovico's, and Clare did pride himself on being a sensible man. Refusing to produce some few sounds would be sheer folly, if such a refusal would also result in not achieving his own goals.

Ludovico would know that, of course. It would make him smug, certain of victory. Clare imagined the assassin leaning in closer for a better look at Clare's expression. Perhaps he might even suggest other ways for Clare to achieve physical satisfaction, ways that were highly illegal, yet safe enough, provided one undertook them in private and did not discuss them in public.

As a Mentath, Clare had little interest in such affairs, yet the idea of getting a chance for revenge on Ludovico, an opportunity to see Ludovico helpless and in the grip of pleasure - that might be worth putting up with some minor inconveniences. Clare's body was hale enough, and presumably as capable of engaging in such activities as any man's. He might even view it in the nature of an experiment, a method of gleaning valuable knowledge.

Men had damned themselves in the eyes of the law by indulging in such things, after all. They must have had their reasons for doing so, rather than doing as Clare was doing.

Clare was chagrined to realize he had allowed his mind to fill with images, thoughts, ideas. His breath had become unsteady, his heart beating more rapidly. His body felt flushed, almost feverish, ready for release and yet too tense for him to believe it would be enough.

He might go for a second time. It would be irregular. Illogical. He was no longer a young man, victim to his body's whims and moods. He had mastered himself and his urges a long time ago. The mere fact of Ludovico's presence in his life had not changed that, much like the mere idea of Ludovico being here, with him, of it being Ludovico's hand rather than Clare's own could not possibly have any effect on what was a purely physical exercise.

Clare shook his head in a doomed attempt to clear it, annoyed that he had felt the need for the gesture. He tried to think of nothingness again, but the image of Ludovico continued to replace it, taunting him. In the end, Clare gave up the attempt as hopeless.

A few more quick strokes, and he spent himself, his body content for the moment, as Clare lay back and waited for Reason to reassert itself.


End file.
